Where Ever You Go, There You Are

YOU are the common ingredient in EVERY experience you have.  That means that you are also the primary ingredient in the over all experience of life you are having.

No matter where you go -  to work, to the mall, to the beach, to school, to the gym, on vacation, to a seminar, etc.,  AND even if you are staying home -  your experiences in these places reflect not very much about the places themselves and a whole lot about you.  Your experiences in these places reflect very little about the other people you encounter in them, and virtually everything about you.

Everything that you experience is created primarily by who you are being.  And this is true on multiple levels.  First, you perceive according to how you think and believe.  We like to think that what we perceive is what is there.  Not happening.  Ever wonder why two people can have such diverse reactions to the same event?  They are not having the same experience!  The 'out there' event is just the raw material that gets filtered on its way in by everything you currently believe, and then transformed into your version of reality by that same belief system and your current operating systems (desires, world views, fears, judgments, limitations).  Each of us is creating our reality moment to moment.

The next level of creating our experience is that who we are being moment to moment draws to us like oriented people, places and things. In other words, you get more of who you already are.

So, if you are NOT particularly pleased with how you are experiencing life - don't look out there to make changes, because it ain't happening out there!  If you want anything in your life to be different, change the common ingredient  - YOU.

From Worry to Concern

Have you ever paid attention to the character of worry?  In most cases it is repetitive, cyclical, amorphous, and insidious.  It slips into your consciousness and lurks there, eating away at you but never really declaring its size, shape, or purpose.  Do you have certain worries that have remained the same for weeks, months, years, decades???  Have no doubt, they will continue to lurk in the shadows, waking you up in the dead of night in a cold sweat, until you shine a light on them and take away their power.

You can dis-empower your worries by transforming them into clearly identifiable concerns.  Concerns (unlike amorphous worries) are well defined and actionable.  Let's look at an example.  Let's take one that we have all experienced!

Worry:  "I have so much to do tomorrow, there is no way I can get it all done, I don't know what I am going to do."

Concern: "I think I have too much on my plate for tomorrow."

Excellent.  If you truly have too much on your plate, you need to decide what you want (to eat) and what you are willing to share.

1. Prioritize - List everything on your plate and assign priority numbers.
2. Eliminate - Anything that can be postponed to another day - postpone.
3. Deligate - Anything that absolutely needs to be done, but someone else can do, share it.  Ask for help!!!
4. Separate - For the things that have to be addressed, can you separate it into steps to be taken, and address only the steps that are absolutely necessary.
5. Allocate - Start with the highest priority and give your energy to that item to the extent that you need to (for today), and then move on.
6. Evaluate: How did your day turn out?  Did you do all you could do?  Were there items left over?  What does this tell you?

The bottom line on this kind of concern is that you can only do what you can do when you are giving your best.  If you take all of the above steps and find that you could still not accomplish your list, you need to get a new list.  Remember, reality rules.  If the reality is that you can not possibly do all that you have on your list, your list is the problem.

The How of Happiness

You have absolutely everything you need, right now, to be happy.  Nothing outside you needs to change in order for you to be happy.  Happy lives in you.  If you are not experiencing it on an ongoing basis it is because you are indulging in thoughts, words and actions that prevent you from doing so.  These would be:  annoyance, frustration, complaint, anger, resentment, regret, judgment, blame, worry and/or fear.

Nothing outside you needs to change.  This is the most difficult fact for people to accept on the path to happiness.  If you feel internal resistance to this concept, you are not alone.  Every person I have ever coached has balked at accepting this essential understanding.  And absolutely all of those who saw through their resistance, have successfully established the ongoing experience of happiness in their lives.

There are a number of reasons we resist this idea.  First off, our culture encourages us to look outside ourselves for happiness - to pursue people, things, and experiences as the source of our happiness.  Secondly, believing the source of our happiness is out there somewhere lets us off the hook to some degree (we don't need to change, our spouse/children/boss/co-worker/job/house/body etc. needs to change - and then we will be happy).  And finally, we are afraid that if we accept that nothing needs to change in order for us to be happy, then we have to accept everything in our life exactly the way it is.

Accepting full responsibility for our own happiness gives us all the power to actually make it happen.  And choosing happiness now, (not at some elusive time in the future when you have managed to force everything in your life to conform to the 'perfect picture' you imagine), does not mean you cannot endeavor to make changes to the way things are.  It just means that you put happiness first, and then from that state of happiness go about creating the details that you believe will maximize your enjoyment of life.  If you are operating from happiness, everything else becomes an adventure.

The Unexamined Life

Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

In our fast paced world, it is far too easy, and common, to lost sight of the absolute magnificence, majesty and magic of life.  PLEASE, stop for just one moment and reflect on this incredible experience we call life.  Leave all the nitty-gritty details and complications behind, ever so briefly, and let the sheer awesomeness of the wholeness of life remind you what a precious gift it is.

The trait that most distinguishes human beings from the rest of the beings with whom we share this planet is that in addition to living our lives we can reflect on our living.  We can examine, analyze and ask questions.  We are consciously aware of our own existence and capable of viewing our thoughts, words and deeds objectively as well as subjectively. We can look at how we are being, and make assessments about the quality and value of what we see.  And we can choose something different.

I do not wholly agree with Socrates.  Life is such an amazing gift that I think IT WOULD still be worth the experience even without reflection.  I also think that those who choose to go through life without examining the experience they are having/creating, actually experience a mere shadow of the fullness of life.

Life is a creative process.  It is your own personal work of art.  Every moment of your life you are creating who you are.  In every moment you can reflect on what you have created, what you are currently bringing into being, and where you actually want to go with your creation.

You are the author, the sculptor, the painter of your life.  Take courage and express the truth of you.  Question the stories you have been told all your life, the rules and codes that other people have expected you to incorporate in your living. Question yourself as well.  What beliefs do your thoughts, words and actions express?  Do you truly embrace those beliefs?  Have you chosen them, or were they chosen for you?

You are responsible for what you are expressing - even when you did not choose the beliefs from which those expressions spring.  You are responsible for choosing differently.  You are responsible for the work of art/life you are creating.