What You See Is What YOU Get

 

“Whenever conferring with another – either face to face or across the miles – whether a human being, departed spirit, or sentient tree, always speak to the highest within them.  It makes such a difference.” 

Mike Dooley

When you read this quote, don’t you intuitively know the truth of it?!  Yes, because whether you have consciously thought about this or not, you have experienced it.  We have all experienced the power of certain people to call out the best in us.  And this happens because those people see us in our highest light, speak to the best in us, and hold a perception of us that reflects all the goodness that we are.  And in the presence of someone who persists in seeing, honoring and speaking to the highest in us, we cannot but respond with our best.

This is the greatest gift you can give another person.  And in giving it you receive the greatest gift in return.  YOU get back from that person what you have insisted on seeing in them.

Of course this also holds true when you insist on seeing less than the highest in another person.  Whatever you consistently see and speak to is what you will receive.

When someone in your life is showing up for you in less than their highest version of themselves, you don’t have to wait for them to change.  YOU are the only person who ever needs to change.  Consciously search for the brightest expression of your friend (spouse, co-worker, child, family member, neighbor) and see and speak only to that person.  It makes all the difference.

Few people change due to our ‘judgments’ about them.  Nearly all will respond to our unquestioning belief in their goodness.

 

What’s Your Story?

You have one.  Every moment of every day you have one (many, actually).  Because human beings are story makers.  And your over all experience of life is determined by the stories you choose.  Life is made up of the simple reality of what is, experienced thru the lens of your story.

The simple reality of what is, is that you are a human being sitting, or standing.  You are a human being sitting or standing, and reading words on a computer screen.  That is it.  Until the story.  The story may be “I don’t really have time to be reading this . . . I have so much work to do . . . I am never going to catch up . . . I’m so tired . . .I should have slept more this weekend . . . but I needed to go out . . .I’ve been so stressed . . . I never have enough time to get everything done . . .why am I wasting time reading this . . .I need to  . . .

How does that story make you feel?  And notice that you believe the story – you accept it as part of the reality instead of seeing that it is an interpretation, a fabrication of your own mind, a story.  Always, in every situation, there is only simple reality (person sitting, reading words) and your story.  You can begin to discover the powerful truth of this for yourself by noticing your stories and playing with changing them.

Stories called “I have too much to do”  and “I am so far behind” are seldom pleasant, AND they are false.  What is true is that in any moment you are doing exactly what you are doing.  And in the next moment you will be doing exactly what you are doing – and the story of being behind and having too much to do is the lens that colors your experience of the simple reality of a person doing what she is doing.  Who would you be without that story?  You would be the same person, doing the same thing, but having a different experience.

Once you truly understand the power of your stories, and the fact that YOU are the one writing them, you can have whatever experience you want.  What story do you want to experience today? 

The Power of Focus

 Are you familiar with these two sayings?:

1.     Statistics don’t lie.

2.   You can prove anything with statistics.

These seemingly contradictory statements are both true.  And they demonstrate a very important practice in creating the state of happiness.  I am referring to the practice of choosing your focus.

Here are two more statements to consider.

1.     The world is a scary place.

2.   The world is a beautiful place.

Whichever of these is true for you, it is based on your focus.  You can find all the evidence you want to prove either one of these statements.  And this is true for everything in life.   So whether you realize it or not, you are the person creating the world you live in.  If you want to inhabit a world different than the one you are living in, change your focus.

One of my recent coaching clients came to coaching because she was miserable at her job and needed to figure out how to move forward.  After thorough analysis of all the factors in her life, we came to the conclusion that changing jobs at this particular moment in time was not a good option.  That meant either she was going to continue to be miserable, or she was going to have to turn a miserable job into an enjoyable one.

We had already made an extensive list of all the things she hated about the job – she was clear about those when she came to coaching.  Our new task, having decided she was going to stay, was to find all the things that were positive about the job.  It was like pulling teeth at first, but eventually she did come up with a small to moderate list of the good aspects of her job.  From that moment forward her job was to focus her attention only on those aspects and appreciate them as much as possible every single day.  Every time she found herself focusing on some part of her work environment that she did not like, she would stop what she was doing and immediately focus on one of the positive aspects. 

After two weeks she reported that she was beginning to feel less resistant to getting up and going to work in the morning.  By the end of the first month she had added new items to the list of positive work aspects.  And (this is my favorite part), by half way thru the second month she came to our coaching session and said that she thought that the other people in her office must also be doing coaching because they were being so much more cooperative and helpful!

That is the power of focus.  It changes your experience of life.  And as you change, others around you change.  Don’t take my word for it.  Try it for yourself.  Choose some small area of your life on which to experiment.  Change your focus in relationship to this area, and see what happens over the course of a month.  And, if you are willing, send an email and tell me about your experience!