The Reason For The Season

 

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON

Jesus is the reason for the season.  And regardless of your religious or spiritual affiliation, I highly recommend his teachings as a path to a life of peace and joy,  One of his most powerful teachings was forgiveness, and I believe that this time of year – the Joy of Christmas and Hannukah, and the coming celebration of a New Year – is perfect for practicing forgiveness.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that the prisoner was you.”  Lewis B Smeades

Resentment is a grievance or grudge held against another person.  It begins as a judgment that someone has mistreated you or behaved badly toward you in some way.  When the present time belief, feeling, or judgment that someone has done you wrong is carried into the future it becomes resentment. There are few things more treacherous than resentment.  It is an insidious poison that eats away at anyone who partakes of it, destroying health and happiness.  YOUR health and happiness.  You see, resentment is something we feel toward someone out there, but 99.9% of the ill effects of resentment are wreaked on the person harboring the resentment – not the person who is the object of the resentment.

And guess what:  It does not matter how justified you believe your resentment is – it is definitely going to diminish your capacity to be present to the current moment, diminish your ability to experience happiness, and make you sick.  Even if everyone in your life agrees that you were wronged, and that you have every ‘right’ to be resentful, YOU still suffer by harboring it. 

It does not matter how heinously you were treated by another person in the past.  As long as you hang on to that resentment YOU are the person hurting you in the present.  And the poison will seep into all your other relationships and human interactions.  

The antidote to resentment is forgiveness.  Yes, I know, how unfair.  Someone else does something hurtful, and YOU have to do the work of forgiving!  Actually, you don’t have to.  Like everything else, it is a choice.  You can go right on nurturing your resentment for as long as you are willing to reap the consequences: diminished access to your innate happiness, a compromised immune system, decreased energy, increased likelihood of heart disease and cancer, and the list goes on and on. 

 The root of “forgive” is the Latin word “perdonare,” meaning “to give completely, without reservation.”  The word was translated into German and then Old English as “forgiefan,” – meaning to give up, or allow.  In modern English forgive means to pardon, exonerate or absolve. In Aramaic the word for forgive  is “shbag” and it means to untie.

Forgiveness is the antidote to resentment, it is the path to freedom from all the ills and suffering that resentment creates.  Forgiveness is one of the most powerful life tools you will ever learn.

In our culture the practice of forgiveness most often involves one person (the one who was wronged) letting go of the ill feelings/anger that she/he has toward the person that has ‘caused’ the hurt.  When this is done sincerely and completely, the person doing the forgiving is immediately released from the creation of the ongoing harmful effects of resentment.  Note that this release occurs regardless of whether the person being forgiven ever knows about it.  It is the forgiver who is released.

Forgiveness is for YOU.  Forgiveness sets YOU free.  Forgiveness is first and foremost a selfish act.  Hooray for that!

Secondly, understand that you are forgiving the actor, the person you perceive as having hurt you.  You are NOT condoning the hurtful act.  In other words, when developing/choosing forgiveness for your former spouse who cheated on you, you are NOT making a statement that cheating is acceptable. 

It is true that if the person who hurt you is remorseful about what they did, then knowing that they have been forgiven can also be a significant release for them.  It is indeed a gift you can give another human being.  But, as the quote at the beginning of this chapter suggests, it is the forgiver who is immediately and most powerfully released from the suffering created by resentment.

When you harbor resentment toward another, you close your heart to them.  This may or may not have an impact on the person you are resenting.  It always and dramatically has an effect on you.  Any time part of your heart is closed off, you suffer.  Whether you are aware of it or not, it impacts your immune system, drains your energy, constricts your creativity and increases your ‘stress’ level.  Overall, it diminishes your ability to experience life fully and joyfully.  Most people walk around harboring multiple resentments.  Is it any wonder that happiness is so difficult to achieve? 

I am not suggesting that forgiveness is easy, only that it is very, very powerful.  As a life skill, it is one of the most transformational ones you will ever learn.  It will change you first and foremost, and that creates the opportunity for others in your life to change.  The first step is merely cultivating within yourself the desire to forgive. 

Wishing you the most Joyous of Holidays