The Voices in Our Heads

We all have multiple voices in our heads that seem to have a life of their own.  Okay, I am NOT talking about the voice that tells you Great Aunt Sally is buried out in the back yard and wants you to rescue her.  I’m talking about the very real voices of all the people in our lives that have influenced us over the years.  Here are a couple of my personal favorites:

1.  Whenever it is a particularly gorgeous day (which happens a lot in our area) I always hear my departed mother exclaiming gleefully, “It’s a dilly, dilly day!”

2.  When I drop something in the kitchen I hear my (then) 10 year old daughter shouting, “Fiddlesticks.” (this comes with a visual of her friends looking at her with that “where do you come from?” scorn).

3.  Whenever anything REALLY goes wrong I immediately hear Tom Hanks intoning, “Houston, we have a problem.”

Now, these are all perfectly benign voices, and I actually enjoy them chiming in.  But most people also have a whole litany of voices that are not so pleasant to hear.  These are the voices that have hurt or belittled you in the past.  The parent who said you were unlovable, the teacher who said you would never do well, the boss who told you you weren’t good enough.  The friends who mocked you; the co-workers who criticized you; the family members who made light of your dreams; the spouse who highlights your shortcomings.

The present day issue is not that these things were said.  It is that they continue to play in your head, and continue to cause pain and dysfunction.  What I want you to know is that YOU have the right to invite these voices to cease and desist.  Any voice that does not speak to or acknowledge the good in you needs an eviction notice.

Here is a process for deleting these unwanted voices:

1. Become aware of them.  Everything begins with awareness.  Often, these voices have been playing so long that you no longer consciously hear them.  So start by repeating to yourself every day that you intend to tune in to any negative messages running in your head.  And if/when you find yourself feeling any negative emotion, stop and figure out what you are thinking and whose voice it is.

2. Look consciously at the message that is being repeated and ask if there is any truth in it that YOU can own in a positive way – any kernal of truth that could make you a better or happier person.  If so, rephrase it in your own words and make it a positive message to yourself.  Every time that old voice shows up, calmly inform it that its residency has been revoked (use your own style of ‘hit the road jack’).  Then repeat your new, self created positive message.  If the original message was completely out in left field, with no iota of validity, then laugh at it!  Talk back to it, like “You’re kidding, right?  That is so absurd it is hilarious.  I am so not that way.  I am _______________________.  Fill in the blank with the goodness in you that makes a lie of the voice. 

Understand that you will probably have to evict the unwanted voice more than once, and perhaps many times.  The longer the voice has been playing in your head the more deeply entrenched it will be.  Just stay vigilant to its presence and keep doing the steps above. 

Also, keep it about the message, the voice, not the original person who spoke the words.  No matter how off base, wrong, or hurtful the person was, it is not about them.  It is about you gaining freedom from the unwelcome voice that lives in your head.